Is Dressing "Hood" Keeping it Real ... or Just a Front? ... Depends!

Earlier today I wrote a post on my Facebook page and in a couple of group forums that stirred up some serious feelings within people (I tend to do this about once a month).

Here's what I wrote:

The difference between white youth and black youth as it relates to "urban apparel" is that black youth treat it as a uniform and white youth treat it as a costume. The difference between THAT is you wear your uniform everywhere as it very much defines you, whereas a costume is automatically known NOT to be taken seriously and can & will be taken off when it's time to get down to business.

This set of a serious amount of responses - most of which were in disagreement with the statement. But here's the funny thing ... The sentiment underlying the disagreement was not about the statement being false. The opposing sentiment came from a place of denial. It came from a place where people not only don't want to acknowledge ugly truths, they believe deep in their hearts that if they ignore the existence of what it is they don't want to see, it will actually go away - or better yet cease to exist entirely.

In 1986 there was a movie made called "Soul Man." In this movie, C. Thomas Howell plays a rich white kid who gets cut off by his father right before he's about to go off to Harvard. So what he does is apply for a scholarship geared towards African American students, but he gets accepted because he lied on the application about his ethnicity. Upon realizing he's been accepted to Harvard, he also realizes that he has to "pass" for black, so he darkens his skin, dons a wig and thereafter becomes an instant "brotha." Throughout the movie he experiences racism on a variety of levels all the way up until he gets busted.

In a scene following his being "outed," he has a discussion with one of his professors played by the great James Earl Jones. Jones tells Howell that he has had a very unique experience that as a white man he was able to live in a black man's world, and now knew what it felt like to be a black man. Howell, having learned a valuable lesson in character replied, "No, I haven't because if I didn't like it - I could take it off." Howell's character learned the lesson that most people are trying to ignore in this so-called "post-racial era." 

It is no secret that African Americans are the trendsetters of the world. We influence almost everything from fashion, sports, music, dance, and let's not even get started about all of the inventions that have been made by African Americans. But here's the thing ... And this is what those who are disagreeing with me are failing to see. There's a significant difference between living a lifestyle and emulating it. 

When you're living a lifestyle - you're in it. When you're entire wardrobe consists of jeans, sweat shirts and gaudy jewelry, it is what it is - and for a great many inner-city youth, that's exactly what it is. I know a great many young African American men in their late teens, 20's and a couple in their early 30's, who don't know how to tie a necktie, or how to check their collars after they've put a jacket on so it doesn't look like someone just snatched them up, or how to properly shave or even polish a pair of leather shoes.

However, many of their white counterparts who have the same amount of "urban apparel" also have, sweaters, shirts, slacks, suits and shoes in their closets. Sure there are plenty of white kids who live in various subcultures like hip hop, emo, punk rock, and skateboarders, but the difference with them is that when they decide to get their acts together, they can take out the piercings, cover up or remove the tattoos, get a decent haircut and go into the "other side" of that closet. After doing that, they can easily slide themselves into the mainstream.

And that is what is meant by "urban apparel" being a "uniform" to some and a "costume" to others. Don't hate me if you don't like whichever side of the equation you're on. And if you're on neither side ... 

Why you mad at all?!

A Peace Offering to My Friends (in their 20's & 30's) Entering the MLM Industry

Okay ... This goes out to all of my people who are going in hard on these MLM businesses.

And, NO ... I'm not about to "go in hard" as I have been infamously known to do.

However, I do want to give you some perspective. You see, my views and the opinions on the Multi-Level Marketing Industry are based on what I have personally seen and experienced over the course of two decades. The fact of the matter is, the industry has really cleaned up its image over the years, and under different circumstances - such as never having been introduced to the industry - I probably would be more inclined to go in. However, like any other path in life, I don't necessarily need to see it for myself in order for me to appreciate it for you.

These economic times are ripe for these businesses to promise all kinds of results. "Traditional" companies aren't hiring and many young people are coming out of school with degrees they can't find jobs for. So these MLM's come at you by way of people you know & trust. Then they get you to bring in people you know & trust and show you how to get those people to bring in people who THEY know & trust. When you get past all of the bells & whistles and pep rallies, that's the ONLY way you're going to make the money being promised.

In damn near 25 years, I've never seen anyone I know (and I'm not talking about people I was introduced to already in the business) make what they were promised; and while many of them DID "work the program," eventually - as always happens - the bubble popped and they got out. What's more sad is when I see people go from one MLM to the next, to the next, to the next - always looking for THE ONE.

For me, it's like riding on a train on which you've seen all of the stops, good and bad. The train rides on a track that goes around in a circle. It speeds through the bad areas & slows down when going through the good areas. When you get on the train it's while the train is going through the good areas. You see all of the wonderful things they can think of to show you and you get caught up. You might even make some change yourself, but as sure as water is wet, that train is going to make its stops in those badlands. I've been in those badlands I know people who have gone through those badlands. The MLM company will tell you not to worry about those badlands. They will tell you that as long as you're true to the system, in time, you will make money hand over fist. After all, look at (and that's when you're shown the up-lines of your predecessors up to the creators of the company).

So to my friends in the MLM industry ... I'm not going to try and talk you out of getting into or staying in these businesses. In fact, if you believe you can make it happen for yourselves, I want to believe it for you. Nothing would make me happier than to see one of you rolling up on me in your flossy new ride (with the pink-slip and registration in YOUR name); or for you to invite me to the house-warming of your (un-mortgaged) 7-bedroom mansion, and have you tell me it was what you learned from the company that made that happen for you.

However, while as your friend I wish you nothing but the best; and while you want me to respect this "business decision" you've made for yourselves, I want you to take an honest look at your condition and not the dream being sold to you and realize that if a person is thirsty enough, s/he will use sand to attempt to quench his/her thirst.

Good Luck.

On behalf of my "partner in crime," Tazz, I want to take a minute and thank those of you who have planned to attend our booksigning/seminar on Saturday Dec. 10th. For those of you who might be able to make it; or have yet to RSVP, we certainly hope you can fit it into your schedule. For those of you who will not be attending ... YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO BE MISSING, but don't worry ... We'll definitely be back.

Have you ever met someone and for whatever reason, just clicked right off the bat? A little under a year ago, I peeped some videos that Tazz had done and I saw an outspokeness that I too had, but (due to my job at the time) could not fully exercise. So I introduced myself to him and we just started building from there.

Inspired by concepts found in Napoleon Hill's book, "THINK & GROW RICH," six months ago, I created a small "Mastermind Alliance" group with several other speakers including Tazz. He and I both believe in making strong alliances with positive people who are on a mission and in doing so, being able to help one another better themselves and others.

When he told me about his book "Common Sense Ain't Common" I clicked with it right off the bat because I have always said, "If common sense were actually common, everyone would have it!" I knew I had to use my resources to provide him an outlet to help further share his work and his word.

I GUARANTEE YOU ... If/When you come to Hue-Man, you're going to see two speakers come at you with brand new speeches of motivation & encouragement never heard before .

You will NOT be disappointed ... That is ... unless you're not there!

WE hope to see you there!

Herman Cain ... Meet the Skids ... Skids ... Cain's Campaign Has Been Waiting for You.

They couldn't shake Herman Cain from defending  his "999 Plan," so now his opposition (within the Republican Party) has aired allegations of sexual harrassment against him. When they first came out he flat out denied it. However, this is exactly where the nature of the beast that is politics is busting Cain right in the ass.

Why is he back-peddling and feeding into these past allegations? When you branch off all into all kinds of "What I meant to say was ..." day after day, you chip away at your own credibility. Look at what happened to Tiger Woods ... Every time he opened his dumb ass mouth, he fed the media for an additional two weeks. When he shut up, the media slowly began moving on.

None of us are perfect. We all have made - and will continue to make mistakes. I believe that there are really only two kinds of mistakes ... Mistakes that we make out of ignorance, and mistakes that we make out of arrogance. When we act without knowing any better, those are mistakes made out of ignorance. When we actually DO know better; yet act against what we know, those are mistakes made out of arrogance. Either way, if you're caught out there ... Apologize ... ONCE. If you're falsely accused of something, deny it ... ONCE.

Here's my philosophy:

If you screw up and are genuinely remorseful, then is not your first apology the most sincere? If you are falsely accused of something, is not your first denial the most sincere? Then apologize once ... Deny the accusation once. People are going to rake you over the coals because applying the pressure to you takes attention away from them. As long as you feed into the pressure and beg for forgiveness, or make all kinds of clarifications, you chip away at your integrity.

Personally, you only get one apology out of me. Accuse me of something ... You better have me on video AND audio looking DEAD into the camera and speaking LOUD & CLEAR into the microphone. I'm not going to waste my time begging for forgiveness or belief.

Cain is making the mistake of listening to everyone but himself. It's like he starts out as if he's speaking from his own heart - which is what made him a front-runner to begin with. However, as he gets deeper into the campaign and all the mud gets slung at him; instead of speaking from the courage of his personal convictions, he is clearly reciting pre-planned, rehearsed and spun answers prepared by his staff.

Personally, I don't think that Cain will make it to getting the Republican nomination, and if he keeps up backpeddling like this ... we'll all see why. The next debate is going to be on Saturday, Nov. 5th between Cain and Newt Gingrich. We are now witnessing exactly where Cain's campaign begins to hit the skids. Herman Cain debating Newt Gingrich is like Jay-Z getting into a rap battle with ... well ... ME! It's getting to where Cain is whoring himself for media attention. New Gingrich knows good and damn well he's not going to win the nomination, so his debating Cain will serve well in providing fodder and ammunition for Romney and Perry ... the ones Cain really should be debating if he wants to win the nomination.

“Ego Tripping

I was born in the congo
I walked to the fertile crescent and built
the sphinx
I designed a pyramid so tough that a star
that only glows every one hundred years falls
into the center giving divine perfect light
I am bad

I sat on the throne
drinking nectar with allah
I got hot and sent an ice age to europe
to cool my thirst
My oldest daughter is nefertiti
the tears from my birth pains
created the nile
I am a beautiful woman

I gazed on the forest and burned
out the sahara desert
with a packet of goat's meat
and a change of clothes
I crossed it in two hours
I am a gazelle so swift
so swift you can't catch me

For a birthday present when he was three
I gave my son hannibal an elephant
He gave me rome for mother's day
My strength flows ever on

My son noah built new/ark and
I stood proudly at the helm
as we sailed on a soft summer day
I turned myself into myself and was
jesus
men intone my loving name
All praises All praises
I am the one who would save

I sowed diamonds in my back yard
My bowels deliver uranium
the filings from my fingernails are
semi-precious jewels
On a trip north
I caught a cold and blew
My nose giving oil to the arab world
I am so hip even my errors are correct
I sailed west to reach east and had to round off
the earth as I went
The hair from my head thinned and gold was laid
across three continents

I am so perfect so divine so ethereal so surreal
I cannot be comprehended except by my permission

I mean...I...can fly
like a bird in the sky...”
― Nikki Giovanni

My Thoughts on Hermain Cain & the Republican Presidential Debates

First let me say that this blog is LONG overdue.

A young brother asked me what I thought about Herman Cain. Another brother stated that America was not going to go for 2 black presidents in a row. Well ... Here go my thoughts ...

I find Herman Cain interesting. Out of all the Republican wack-a-loons, Herman Cain is the only one who's not "tainted" by having served in public office before. Also, he's the only one who has never had to really back-pedal over anything he's said. These other jackasses get up there and tell bold-faced lies. The lies get called out the next day & they either say they "misspoke" or they just say that the other person is wrong.

Funny thing is, one of the moderators told Cain that her people ran the numbers for Cain's "999 Plan" & their numbers showed that his plan would not be revenue neutral and then asked him to explain it. He flat out told her that the problem with her calculations were wrong. But instead of making some snide remark to her or deflect to some other candidate he EXPLAINED why she was wrong telling her that her calculations were based on the current tax code - which he has stated he plans to throw out. SHE HAD NO RESPONSE

Additionally, I find it F'd up that everyone demeans one of this man's greatest professional achievements in having been the CEO of Godfather's Pizza. When asked what he thought about Cain's "999 Plan," I believe it was Gov. Huntsman who said he thought it was the price of a pizza. Almost all of the other candidates had some other weak ass "pizza" joke of some kind. Why?

#1. Because THEY have no real dirt on the man, THEY have to attack him and his credibility based on his most significant accomplishment. Also, the people and the media are noticing that THIS black man has a set of balls and - as I said - doesn't do much if any back-pedaling. That's why he has risen in the polls. That's why all of the other CROOK-didates went in on him at the last debate.

#2. If a Harvard educated black man who spent his pre-political career working WITHIN the community to help them wasn't good enough, how could a business man who ran a successful corporation possibly. When THEY say "Community Organizer" THEY equate that with somebody trying to get all kids on the block together to play a game of hide & seek. And Cain ... Dude might as well have been delivering the pizzas because that's all THEY think about him.

Herman Cain asked Mitt Romney if he could explain the FIFTY NINE points / 160 pages of his plan & if so were they simple, transparent, efficient, fair & neutral and after a nervous chuckle he did everything BUT answer the question (Hint: Any question that starts with "CAN YOU" is a question requiring a "YES or NO" answer).

However, I agree with my brother Matthew. THEY are not going to allow "Back 2 Back Black" presidents. THEY are going to look at it as a social experiment gone wrong and go back to one of their own. You see, this is how THEY have operated historically. THEY stack the deck against us and then blame us for not being able to pull of a royal flush.

The problem with Obama is that he came into this game playing the role of the "safe & non-threatening negro." Had he come into office talking as tough as he has been talking over the past month or so, he would probably be in a better position now. His only saving graces right now are #1. There are still a WHOLE LOTTA black folk who will vote for him just because he's black and not have ONE clue about his politics & #2. Many people (WHITE & Black) don't trust the Republicans Party & they see this motley crue of candi-DOPES as a bunch of stooges more concerned with helping the rich stay richer than they are with insuring everyone has an equal chance at prosperity.

How Do I Help You Find Your Answers?!

As a Coach, I ask my clients those questions that make them see the answers in their head in such a way that they HAVE to pull them out and act on them. They realize "Hey - someone's REALLY watching and is going to hold em accountable," and they know they have to produce. It's not easy; but as I always say, "Success doesn't come easy - nor is it supposed to. It's going to be work and that work is going to be hard."

A lot of times people already know what's right for them. They know the path they should take or the decision they should make; however, for "whatever" reason they do what's wrong for them. They take the wrong path and make the wrong decision. WHY?

As Tony Robbins says, people are driven by two forces pain & pleasure. People will do whatever they can to increase pleasure and avoid pain. The problem with that is people fail to realize that to some degree, success lies on the other side of pain. You have to go through some things in order to get you some things. People make the wrong choices because at the time those choices are easier to follow than digging in and putting in the work.

Those wrong choices start out bringing a false sense of immediate pleasure, but it's false because the only pleasure there is, is from NOT doing the work. Eventually, there comes a price to be paid & when that time comes those who did not put in the work pay the price and THAT's when the REAL PAIN comes.

The end result - be it pain or pleasure is what lasts, not what you get in the beginning. If you start out just going for the pleasure the table can turn on you. If you jump into the mix fighting (what "fight" doesn't come with pain?) you run the chance of turning those tables too.

Get YOUR Autographed Copy TODAY!

I have people who hold me accountable to my goals. As a coach, I appreciate BOTH sides of that particular coin. My book, "FIND A WAY TO MAKE A WAY!" is ONLY the beginning. I wrote that book at the START of my journey. The lessons still hold true and - if nothing else - give people the courage to TAKE ACTION & start their own journeys.

What are you waiting for? See ... You need someone to hold you acocuntable (LOL). So if you "plan" on getting your copy ... TAKE ACTION, Click here: http://bit.ly/jtlXHI and either start or fortify YOUR journey!

Take care & have a blessed week!

Harold

The TRUTH Returns!

FACEBOOK GROUPS

On Monday at 10:40am, I posted the folllowing on my profile page and into the FB newsfeed:

"Alright, here's the deal. If you have a group or are starting a group here on Facebook, why don't you first ASK people if they want to be in your group and if so, tell them what the rules are - if any. I'm about my business. I'm about networking. I'm about marketing myself, my products and my services. If you're not cool with that, DON'T "draft" me into your group."

Facebook is always pushing the limits to bring us closer together. One of it's most recent advances has been the ability for people to create groups for people with similar interests to be able to get together in somewhat more of a closed or intimate environment and discuss whatever issues for which the group was created.

However, when people create these groups they can just add any of us at random. I can create a group right now and just pluck you right into it. I don't have to ask your permission and if you choose to stay in the group your permission is implied by your participation. You can, however, leave any time you want to.

My problem is I've had people see me on someone else's page or in someone else's group and want to add me to their own group, and when I begin posting and promoting, they want to cry "over-load" or "spam." I'm not promising anyone pie-in-the-sky riches; I'm not trying to lure anyone into my MLM downline, and I sure as hell am not spreading viruses by clicking on dumb ass links like: "Look who's viewing your profile!" or "'So & So' answered a question about you!"

This only goes to show who's playing on Facebook and who is actually GRINDING. I will admit, I am not interested in everything someone markets out here, but that's life. From now on ... If I find myself "drafted" into a new group without being asked ... I can't promise my response will be either motivating or encouraging! The one thing I am REALLY beginning to see and learn on Facebook is who really has little to no home training on matters of courtesy.

There are so many people out here who are talking loud and saying nothing that when someone comes along who's actually doing something you can see and selling something you can hold and draw value from, that person is clearing the smoke screen of crap these other people are spreading around.

I'm through. People are really on the verge of seeing "the other side" ... The man I was BEFORE the motivation.

The Greatest Form of Flattery? ... I'm Not Sure.

http://youtu.be/7JNi1UXCktA

This is "Karmin," a duet out of Boston. They've been blowing up on YouTube over the past couple of months because of the videos they've been putting out featuring hip-hop covers of today's hottest songs. In the above video they're covering Chris Brown's hit "Look at Me Now," which also featured Busta Rhymes & Lil Wayne. Now, I'll give credit where credit is due ... because of the lyrical difficulty in this song, it is one hell of an achievement to be able to perform it, but there are underlying problems that exist here. Problems I believe most would rather not address because it would make them feel uncomfortable.

But me ... I don't suffer from any such affliction. Having said that ... Room: I'd like to introduce you to the elephant that you all seem to be ignoring.

Stevie Wonder wasn't good enough to be at the Royal Wedding, but his music was, as long as it was coming out of George Michael's mouth. This couple here, while cute & talented are on Ellen BLOWING UP off of Chris Brown's "Look at Me Now." I guess Breezy, Busta & Weezy aren't good enough for Ellen ... But their music is.

What REALLY has me upset about this (YES ... I GENUINELY PISSED) is that Ellen is asking this chick when she started rapping! ANYBODY can spit what they hear in their headphones, but that doesn't make you what you're spitting. I'll give her... singer. I'll give her "artist," but "RAPPER" ... Nah. Spit something original and we'll consider it.


Now I suppose I'd be wrong for saying that this couple is capitalizing on both their whiteness and black music? But is that not what it is?

I've stated they're talented - without a doubt, but would they be on Ellen if they had put up any original content on YouTube? In fact, if you peep their YouTube channel (Karmincovers), you'll find that they have videos covering songs by Ke$ha, Katy Perry & Lady GaGa as well ... but what is getting them recognized? The Hip-Hop covers ... Period.

IF THEY got paid for performing Brown's song, I wonder if Brown, Diplo, Jean Baptiste, Ryan Buendia, Lil Wayne and Busta Rhymes (the writers of the song) caught a check too. Research provided by a close friend would lead me to believe so ... But I just don't know for sure. Did the writers/artists named above make more from the use of their song than the "artists" who are using it as a catapult to fame?

This couple has a gimmick which fits right into the "disposable music" society America has become. I'd like to see what they could accomplish on their own steam instead of jock riding Hip-Hop to fame.

It bothers me when I see "other" people caking off and getting all kinds of opportunities off of OUR people's work. This reminds me of how back in the 50's through the 70's when "other" artists would blow up off of music they "covered" and the original artists got nothing.


Artists like Little Richard, Little Walter, Muddy Watters, Chuck Berry ... Hell, if Elvis is "the King" then the Jazz singers and musicians he stole from were GODS.

Also please note again, I did acknowledge that this couple is talented. The girl does have skills. But it's not the product of their "original" talents that got them on Ellen and national radio, it's their uncanny ability to translate and perform music that you would not expect them to be able to.

Now if they come up with fire equally as hot as what they're covering, then that's different. It's as different as Vanilla Ice & Eminem. To be more specific, Vanilla Ice was a gimmick. Eminem is the truth. Eminem's earlier songs had a similar flow to that of Treach from Naughty by Nature, but that's because he idolized Treach. However, no matter how much he idolized Treach, he didn't come out and blow up doing a cover of "O.P.P." or "Hip Hop Hooray."

I actually think that it's cute to see this couple cover Hip Hop songs, but if they're going to use that to get into the game and make a name for themselves and then put Hip Hop back on the shelf like it was a toy they no longer have a need to play with, then that's just flat out wrong.

Be true to the game or switch lanes & do your own original thing!

The Sale's Ending in Just a Couple Hours!

The Power & Benefit of Effective Networking.

Andrew Morrison

I want to give a big shout of gratitude to one of MY coaches, Andrew Morrison! (right) He passed on some info to me which I passed onto my wife and out of thousands of applications submitted she was one of ONLY THREE applicants to win a mentor loan from The Thypin Oltchick Institute for Women’s Entrepreneurship.

An honorable mention goes to my "big Sis" Cathleen Williams, Esq. (below) because I met Andrew through her. As a matter of fact I was able to facilitate the necessary introductions in order for Cathleen to host her first booksigning and release party for her book, "Single Mother the NEW Father Volume 1: Sports" at the Hue-Man Book Store in Harlem, NY. (on Saturday - Jan. 22nd - Mark your calendars!).

This is networking at it finest!

Food for thought ... This is the power of networking at work. It's not about getting hook-ups for yourself. You meet people and then meet the people they know. Networking really pays off - not when you meet someone who can do something for you, but when you can connect one person in need of a particular product or service with another person who can provide that product or service.

If you meet someone who can hook you up - you kind of owe them a favor in return; however, if you can connect one person in need with another person who can provide, then you have TWO people who are grateful TO YOU and they'll be likely to help you if and when they can.

Having two people willing to help you is a whole lot better than having to owe any one person!

There's a book that I just finished reading that I highly recommend to anyone looking to step up their networking game ... Especially for my African American and Latino brothers and sisters. The name of the book is "Success Runs in Our Race" by George C. Fraser. (right)

This book is replete with examples, exercises, and resources to teach anyone how to begin or improve their networking skills. If your business involves talking to and meeting new people, you will be doing yourself a disservice by not purchasing it! If you are really determined to improve the quality of your life, and perhaps even more, your business - then this is the book you need to have in your hands.

"It is vital that you overcome negative thinking, not only for your career but also for your personal growth & happiness. You can't stand back and be scenery for other people's lives. You have to become engaged in life and take life on." G.C. Fraser

I honestly don't know where to begin to go about explaining how beneficial networking has been for me personally in improving my "people skills," as well as professionally in improving my business and providing me opportunities to meet and learn directly from some really great people. So what I'm going to do is just give you a few examples below:

Les Brown
"The Motivator" 

When I met Cathleen on Facebook, I saw she personally interviewed one of my motivational mentors, Les Brown. Meeting him was one of my life's goals - especially after I decided to become a professional speaker, so I immediately accepted her friend request because in my mind I said to myself ...
"This woman is going to be the one who
introduces you to Les Brown."
A little over a year later, she facilitated that introduction.

 Claudia Jordan
"Model, Actress, Radio &TV Personality"

I also met this beautiful woman on Facebook. After a few conversations, I began listening to her radio show, "The Claudia Jordan Show" on Jamie Foxx's "Foxxhole Radio" channel on Sirius/XM Satellite radio. I soon became a welcomed regular caller & known for always providing a logical twist to the topics being discussed, she dubbed me "The Deep Brotha." When I told her I had written a book ("FIND A WAY TO MAKE A WAY!") she invited me out to Los Angeles to sit in on her show as a live guest and promote my book (the first time I ever flew 1st Class!).



Marvin Towler
"Martial Artist, Fitness Expert & Entrepreneur"

Yet another person whom I met on Facebook, who has become very much a good friend. Originally from New Jersey but living in California, Marvin and I became friends after he viewed a few of my video blogs. Late last summer, when he returned to New Jersey to visit his family after many years of living out west, he made it a point to see me - first just to actually meet up in person, and then a surprising second time in October - the day before my birthday - to show his support at my "Motiv-ACTIONal" seminar & booksigning at the Hue-Man Bookstore in Harlem, NY. Marvin also played a part in my meeting the man below ...

Jack Canfield
"America's Success Coach" & Co-Author of the
"Chicken Soup for the Soul" Book Series

Through his books and seminars all over the country, this man has helped millions of people all over the world take stock in themselves and improve their lives. When I read his book "The Success Principles," I was getting fired up because he had put to paper many of the ideas and ways in which I had been living my life. When I went to see him at a seminar he was giving in Boston; I introduced myself to him, showed him a copy of my book and said, "Mr. Canfield, my name is Harold Reed. I believe you have one of these from Marvin Towler." He smiled and said, "Yes, yes I knew you looked familiar and Marvin told me to look forward to meeting you." Because I was seated in the V.I.P. section, I was able to have lunch with him and have a few minutes of direct one-on-one time with him.
(When was the last time you had lunch and could casually converse with
a multi-millionare businessman in your line of work?)



If you'll notice, the common thread with all of the above people is that I met them either directly or indirectly via Facebook. While many of people use this medium to play games and have fun, I actually use it as a means to meet new people - people who over the years have become clients, colleagues and customers.

In the end, I guess I'm no different than the rest of the people on Facebook. I'm just "having fun" at playing a "different" game. I'm playing the "Networking Game" and ...

I'M PLAYING TO WIN!

Just in Case You Missed My Interview Last Night!

Can You Do Something for Me NOW That I Won't Do Until Later?

Yesterday I put up a poll for the men & today one for the women. The question was "Would you get involved with a person who states UP FRONT that he/she requires you to prove he/she can trust you BEFORE she commits to the relationship?"

The results from those polls are below:
(MEN) Yes: 12 No: 19
(WMN) Yes: 4 No: 4

The poll was based on a conversation wherein which the young lady stated she requires ONE THING of a potential suitor - That he prove to her that she can trust him BEFORE she gives of herself (commits) into the relationship. The question issued in the poll was worded by her.

What was NOT allowed in your decision making process was the fact that although she could ask this of a man, HE COULD NOT ASK THE SAME OF HER. Her logic is if he cannot fulfill that ONE request from her then he has every right to keep on moving. She believes this to be a fair request because she's stating what she wants "UP FRONT" as opposed to popping it on the guy later on down the line.

Here is MY logic: Just because you disclose an "unfair" deal at the start as opposed to it being a surprise in the future does not make it ANY LESS of an "unfair" deal. You cannot or rather SHOULD NOT go into a relationship giving ultimatums. You cannot or SHOULD NOT go into a relationship asking anything of the other person that you're not willing to give of yourself AT THE SAME TIME.

Personally speaking, my wife & I go back and forth on the meaning of "partnership" as it relates to the workings of a relationship - as I am sure many couples do during the course of their relationships - HOWEVER, we went into our relationship on equal terms. I never asked more from her than I was willing to give of myself & vice versa.

I do not believe it to be healthy to any relationship for someone to submit a request, requirement, or demand that he or she is not willing to accept themselves. When I asked her "What if he asked the SAME THING of you before you could ask it of him," her response was that she would not accept it and move along.

Now I am by no means a "perfect" husband, but that's because I am not a "perfect" man - or a perfect ANYTHING for that matter; however, I could never ask my wife for anything I'm not willing to give up myself, and I really have to question any person who would succumb to such a "request, requirement or demand." In fact when I added the "fineprint" of her NOT reciprocating what she was asking for into the discussion, she said I "skewed" any future results (that caveot was not disclosed to the women's poll).

Respectfully, my friend shall remain anonymous for as long as she chooses to, however, I am very much interested in opening this issue up for mutual dialogue between men & women. I believe there is a lot to be learned here.

My friends ... What say you?

President Obama Needs to Grow a Pair: PLAIN & SIMPLE.

In my opinion, thusfar President Obama has taken far too much crap for any man, black or white. I understand the whole "safe-negro" approach, but damn there comes a time when even that has to go out the window. It's time to just start putting MFr's in their place. I bet if he just started responding "Because I'm the President BITCH," people would straighten the "F" up!

I want to say "I just can't understand it" but the fact of the matter is I understand it all too well. The real problem is people don't want to face the real problem. This country can't stand having a black man sitting in its highest office.

I'm constantly reminded of that scene in the movie Rosewood, when a group of white men are sitting on a porch plotting on attacking a black family in the next town over and one of them complains about a black man having a piano ... "I ain't got a pian-ah." When his friend reminds him that he doesn't even know how to play the piano he says, "it don't matter." This mindset basically states that no black person should have any more than a white person - period ... and that mindset is still very prevalent today.

When Pres. Obama ran people kept talking about his being unqualified & inexperienced for the office of President. To this date, no one has been able to explain to me how Pres. Obama is unqualified or inexperienced to be president. Hell, to be qualified all you need is to be a 35 year old natural born citizen of the United States. As a matter of fact, it has been all of these "experienced" politicians that are responsible for this country already being in the shitter. Given his educational and occupational background, how can this highly educated/community-minded man be unqualified or inexperienced?

I recently read that the Supreme Court has thrown out another argument contesting Pres. Obama's citizen status. Ever since I can remember, Hawaii is a state. The argument states that Obama should not be considered an American citizen because his father  was legally a citizen of the British Crown. Now, as best as I can recall, even if someone snuck into this country illegally - if they have a child on American soil, that child is an American citizen. If I understand correctly, if a child is born in a U.S. embassy overseas, he or she is deemed an American citizen because that embassy is considered sovereign American soil. So, while his father may not have been a US citizen, his mother certainly was - and again, he was born on American soil.

Please understand this mindset ... There are people who genuinely think that Sarah Palin belongs in the White House! I'd love to see someone do something like they did in the "Pepsi taste test" commercials back in the day. Stack Palin's educational credentials against Pres. Obama's, but hide their names. Then, ask people which credentials they'd like to see in a president and post THAT on the news.

Short of being assasinated, no sitting president has been disrespected to the extent this president has, and people keep saying, he has to play it safe until the second term. My question is, what if he's deemed a punk by then for not stepping up and asserting the authority vested in him NOW? Why should he have to wait until he has nothing to lose to really get it in? That's just playing the game as it is.

F" the  game! It's time to CHANGE the game. Isn't that the platform he ran on, CHANGE?!

The president needs to grow a pair and start setting these jackasses straight. You walk up to the biggest joker in the crowd and smack him silly. The people will think if you're that bold, then you must be a force to be reckoned with. President Obama needs to smack the sh%t out of Fox News and anyone else who's got some slick sh%t to say.

(Okay ... I'm done with my rant. We now return to our regulary scheduled program)

The Answer is "NO" ... ACCEPT IT.

This past Friday I had the pleasure of being the Master of Ceremonies for the 1st Annual NY State Regional Awards for International Men's Day. It was a great program - not because I was MC'ing it (though that played a big part {smile!}), but because the cause was genuine and necessary. We were celebrating men who were doing good things for the community all throughout New York. As I said, it was a great program. We had some really talented young singers for entertainment, and some well respected dignitaries address the audience.

However ... we (my co-host & the organizers) began to realize that the program was running long. When the time came to start presenting the awards, we decided that we would read off the names, allow the recipients to come up and receive their award, but NOT allow them to give acceptance speeches. A couple people were allowed to, but for the most part (as MASTER of Ceremonies), when most of the recipients asked if they could have a few words, I looked them square in the eye and politely said ... "No." On the drive home, my wife told me that there were a couple of recipients who had some "not so pleasant" words for and about me for not letting them speak.

My response ... "Oh well."

But the more I thought I about, the more I came to realize more clearly something that I've always known but never really verbalized ... until now. People are not used to hearing the word "No."

People think that just because they ask for something or want something, that alone is basis and merit enough to have it, and to be refused is like a personal blow. What's funny is I have a friend from grade school, Derrick B., who brings this so close to the forefront of my mind. You could ask Derrick for a piece of candy and if he didn't want to give it to you, he'd give you a face as solid as stone and say, "No," and you'd stand there looking (and feeling stupid). Whether you're 7 or 37 ... that feeling doesn't leave. However, people have to understand that you're not going to get everything you ask for. You're not going to get everything you want; at least, not just because you want it.

Now, I do believe in the concept of "Don't take 'No' for an answer," but this is not an absolute. At some point, everyone must take a "No" for an answer. Sometimes, you can dig in and put in the work to turn the tides, but other times you just have to accept that the road ended with that "No."

Speaking of which, look at it like this ... Say you're driving someplace you've been to dozens of times, however on this particular day, they're doing construction and the road you normally take is completely blocked. There's a work crew, all kinds of bulldozers and other machinery, and there's even a detail of police officers redirecting traffic. Speaking from personal experience, I can assure you that there are people who will still not accept that reality and ask if they can go through. When told "No," they might be mad, but they're still driving away and through the detour. They had no choice but to accept the "No."

Sometimes, a situation is what it is. I think people who call themselves "motivators" do a disservice when they tell people that they are unstoppable. Again, there are times and places for this mindset, but there are no absolutes. Sometimes you have to accept the reality of a situation for what it is and then "FIND A WAY" to achieve a more desireable outcome.

At the risk of sounding cliche' ...
Sometimes ... "NO MEANS NO."

FREE COACHING ... Time's Almost Up!

Friday will be the last day to take advantage of HRJR Coaching Services' FREE month of coaching.

If you would like to take advantage of this opportunity & receive your initial consultation, send me an e-mail at HRJREnterprises@comcast.net.

If you think you can do it alone, more power to you - but the best of the best have coaches!

How Free Do You Think You Are?

People need to realize that FREEDOM AIN'T FREE!
There's a price to be paid. You don't just up and decide "I'm free" and *POOF* no worries. It takes work to get to the point where you are as free as you can humanly be.

Got bills & debt? You have to pay those bills off in order to be free of them. Got a mortgage? You have to pay that off to be free of it. Got a car note? You have to pay that off to be free of it.

Then again, people can say "'F' those bills!" In THEIR minds they're free, but on the planet that the rest of us live on, they're still very much bound to their bills. Another way to be free of that mortgage is to say "'F' that too!" Do that and in a few months the Sheriffs will come & "free" you from that house when the bank forecloses on you! And that car note? ... Les Brown always says, "The best way to get back on your feet is to miss two car payments!"

So by all means, be free in mind and spirit. You NEED to be free in mind and spirit because that's the only way you're going to devise, cultivate and implement the strategies you will need to free yourself from those things that actually do bind us in our daily lives.

Let's not make the mistake of allowing our mental & spiritual freedom to create delusions of grandeur. We've got business to handle while we're here. There are three types of people who are TOTALLY & COMPLETELY free:

1. The homeless
2. The unemployed
3. The DEAD.

I'm not ready to be ANY of the above!

Arrogance of Being President While Being Black

I don't think anyone was under some real illusion that the election of Barack Obama actually means the end of racism in America . I'm pretty sure that the president-elect knew it better than anyone. After all, he saw it every day, from the moment he announced his candidacy.

To some degree, he saw it within his own party during the primaries. And he saw it in all ugliness during the general election. For half of this country, he was "That One". No matter how big and clear his victory was. No matter how smart he is. No matter how decent he is. No matter what a true patriot he is. No matter how optimistic and positive his vision for America was. All that didn't matter. Because at the end of the day, he was still black.

I'm quite old. I remember, vaguely, where my parents were on November 22, 1963. I've seen so many presidents. Some were feared, some were hated, some were adored, some popular and some not. But all of them, without exception, were treated with the highest respect deserving the office of the president of the United States.

That is until a black man won the right to occupy this office. It's been 13 months now, and in the eyes of so many, Barack Obama is still that one. He is being disrespected and at the same time being held to the highest standard of any president I've ever seen – and not just by the Republican side! He has to perform three times better than any president in history, and even that may not be enough.

For the media, he is many more times just "Obama" than "President Obama". They create scandals out of nothing issues. It took them at least 6 years to start giving Bush a small part of the sh-t he deserved. It took them 6 months to begin crap all over Obama because he's yet to fix the catastrophe that was left for him.
They use condescending tones when they talk about him, and only mildly less condescending when they talk TO him. With anyone else, CNN wouldn't dare go to commercials every time the president speaks, like they did during that summit on Thursday. They wouldn't dare be counting how many minutes George Bush or Bill Clinton were talking. Chris Mathews wouldn't dare make an issue out of Ronald Regan calling members of congress by their first name, like he is not actually the president. They fully cooperate with the Right-Wing smear machine when it comes to president Obama's national security performance – even if almost every independent and military expert actually thinks that he's a terrific Commander-in-Chief. You'll never see them on TV, and virtually no one from the Left, in congress a nd outside, defend the president on this matter.

I don't care about the Far-Right. They're just crazy ignorant Neanderthals. It's the way the beltway and the mainstream treats this president that is shocking. On Thursday, almost every Republican had no trouble interrupting him in the middle of a sentence. They looked like they're going to vomit every time they had to say "Mr. president". They all had this Eric-Cantor-Smirk whenever he spoke. Then they went out and started to spit their stupid talking points, to the delight of the media. Sarah Palin, a woman who can hardly read, thinks that he was "arrogant" towards John McCain, and somehow this is an important news. Because you see, "Obama's Arrogance" is the talking point of the day.

Oh, those talking points. He is arrogant (because he knows the facts better than all of them combined). He is an elitist (because he uses big words that they don't understand). He is weak on national security (because he actually thinks about the consequences). He divides the country (well, he did that the day he had the audacity to win the election). Worst of all, he actually thinks that he's the president. He even dared to say so on Thursday. How arrogant of him. You'd think that previous presidents didn't have any ego. Somehow it turned out that the one president who treats even his biggest opponents with the utmost respect – is the arrogant one.

I wonder why? expected that his winning the Presidency would bring out some ugliness, but it's been far worse than I imagined. The racism coming from the Right is obviously clear and shameless, but there's also some hidden and maybe subconscious and disturbing underline tone behind some of the things that I read here and throughout the Left blogosphere, even before the end of Obama's first year - 'He's weak, he's spineless, he's got no balls, primary him in 2012'. It'll be dishonest to deny that.

The fact is that for millions in America , Barack Obama is this uppity black man (Not even a "real" black), who received good education only due to affirmative action, and has no right to litter the sacred Oval Office with his skin color. They just can't accept the fact that the president is a black man, who unlike his predecessor, was actually legally elected. But what's really sad is that it's not just the fringe, its deep deep in mainstream America.

Barack Obama's ability to remain above all this slob, to keep his optimism and his strange and mostly unjustified faith in people, while continuing to gracefully deal with an endless shitstorm – is one of the most inspiring displays of human quality I have ever seen. And I can only hope that the Cosmos is on his side because God is and He never makes a mistake.

Gerald A. McIntosh

HRJRs 2010 Definitions of Success #019

Last night I spent a great evening networking with
like-minded success-driven people.
The dynamics of my game are changing!
The next 16 weeks are going to be hard-core.