Earlier this year, I was watching "The Ultimate Merger," where the suitors were competing for the affections of reality TV celebrity Omarosa. Early in the season, the men were faced with having to sign a pre-nuptial agreement. When the forms were announced, the first worded response amongst the men’s moans and groans was “Aww Hell NAAAW!!” Truly worthy of a chuckle at first, but moving forward, each of the men signed the document (they were probably told off-camera that they had to in order to remain on the show).
Over the past few years I have had discussions with both men and women concerning getting a pre-nuptial, and always the views are the same: Men are afraid to bring it up because they think the woman is going to be insulted and leave them.
On the other hand, no matter how much women tend to boast about how independent they are, unless the woman actually has and or makes more than the man, she will have a problem with being asked to sign a pre-nup. The couple talks about how much they love one another and how they’re not going into their marriage with thoughts of failure.
The thing is, everyone says that going blindly into a marriage at the beginning, but ultimately the fellas just bitch up and the discussion of getting a pre-nup never even comes to the table, and sadly, when the marriage fails - those same fellas get screwed. I am certain that some of you “Sudden Bachelors” are experiencing the ass-side of having made such a choice, so I’m relying on you to add credence to this post.
When I’m speaking to young men AND WOMEN about getting married, I stress the importance of getting a pre-nup. Do I get resistance? ABSOLUTELY!
But then I pose the following scenario:
When you buy a car you’re making a commitment to keeping it for however long you choose to. You chose that car. You love that car, and you don’t anticipate ever wrecking it; however, before you can drive that car off the lot the state requires that you have insurance on that car so that, God forbid something goes wrong and someone gets hurt just about all is taken care of … And you do this knowingly and willingly.
Now if this is the nature of the relationship you have with an inanimate object that begins to depreciate in value the minute you drive it off the lot, how can a person not see the importance in protecting him/herself before entering into what’s supposed to be the most significant type of relationship in one’s life?
The resistance tends to fade somewhat, but people still fear the confrontation that comes with the stigma of discussing getting a pre-nup. Often I’m asked if I got a pre-nup when I got married. In all honesty, I was the exact brother I described above up to and including NOT getting a pre-nup. Fortunately, my marriage is well – however … if it were to go south, MY WIFE WOULD BE PAID! Two kids … child support, alimony – MY PENSION … As my Italian brothers say … FUH-GETTA-BOT-IT!!
So then I pose this question in my response to whether or not I have a pre-nup:
Let’s say I’m walking down the street and I step in pile of dog crap. I see you walking along and I say to you, “Hey! Be careful … There’s a big pile of dog crap there!” … Do you have to walk in that pile of crap to believe it’s there, or would the sight of me standing there scraping crap off my shoe be proof enough?
You don’t HAVE to learn the hard way.
You put a condom in your wallet or keep some by the bedside … just in case.
You have life, car, renter’s or homeowner’s insurance … just in case.
It's better to be in a position to say "I'm glad I did" as opposed to having to say "I wish I had."
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