PROTECT YOURSELF

For the past couple of months, one of my extra-duty jobs has been at a place called the Jewelry Exchange (Woodbridge, NJ). If you're looking for damn near ANY kind of jewelry this is the place to go. There are plenty of jewlers in the place and I've made friends with a couple of them there, so I'm not going to specify or point out any particular jeweler - but know that you can go there and get a good deal.

So, anyway ... when I'm not walking around doing endless laps around the facility, every so often I'll stop at one of the counters of the jewelers I'm cool with and we'll just talk. The funny thing is, it's just like a couple guys talking in the barber shop ... we keep it funny, but we keep it real!

One of the guys asked me how I felt about prenuptial agreements. I told him - and I truly believe this - that they sould be made mandatory in every state of the union! That's right ... I said it ... I believe in prenuptial agreements. I also encourage young men whom I encounter who talk to me about getting married to get one ... None of them do.

One of the young ladies working at a counter overheard our conversation and decided she wanted to represent for her sisters! "A woman should be entitled to what her husband has, if they get divorced." When asked why, she couldn't come up with a straight answer. I told her I believed that if a married couple created something of tangible value together, then she should be entitled to either half of that particular thing or at least the equivalent of her percentage of participation in creating that asset, but nothing entitles her to what he made on his own or what he had coming to the table - and for the record - I believe the same should the tables be turned and the woman be the one creating more over time or bringing more to the table.

One of the (male) jewelers came at me too ... "I see you have a wedding ring on ... do YOU have a prenuptial agreement?!" My answer ... "Nope ... but let's just say I'm walking down the sidewalk; and because I happen to not be paying attention, I step in a pile of dog-mess. As I'm dealing with the mess on MY shoe, I see you coming and warn you about that pile of mess. Do you necessarily have to walk into that pile of mess yourself in order for you to believe it's there?"

He said, "WOW ... I never thought of it that way."

The young lady was a tougher shell to crack. She said, "If two people love each other then they shouldn't have to prove it by signing a contract." My response to her ... "Oh really? What do you think a Marriage License is?" Her mouth opened, but no words came out - so I got deeper with it ... "What you have to understand, is that a wedding is a promise between a man, a woman, and God - but a marriage is a contract between a man, a woman - and the state. God will keep a marriage together, but it will be the state that divides up your belongings in a divorce." With that, she sucked her teeth, rolled her eyes, and started to walk away. As we (the fellas) laughed, her co-worker asked her where she was going - and said "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

We all laughed a little harder, but she turned around and came back, and asked me again ... "Why should a woman have to sign a contract to prove she won't try to take a man's money?" My first response was, "Ask Halle Berry or Terri McMillan." You see, this is not about calling women golddiggers, because in my opinion, the same rules apply if the woman is bringing in the lion's share of the loot. Finally I hit her with this ...

You drove to work today right ?
(Yes)
You didn't wake up, get dressed, and leave the house anticipating getting into an accident on your way to work, did you?
(No.)
But if - by some unfortunate stroke of bad luck - you did get into an accident, you would be taken care of right?
(Yes)
Why?
(Because I have insurance.)
When did you get that insurance?
(When I bought my car)
What if you didn't want to buy insurance?
(I had to - it's the law)
Okay ... so you have to get insurance for your car {an object that DEpreciates in value the second it leaves the lot}, but you won't INSURE YOURSELF before venturing into the most important relationship of your life?
(Well, neither of us have anything worth taking now anyway)
Fair enough, you're in your early 20's - you're supposed to be broke because you're just starting out - but do you plan on remaining broke 10-15 years from now - even 5 years from now?
(.... silence ....)

Protect yourself. The problem with the world we live in today is that there is far too less forethought. Things change. Feelings change ... PEOPLE CHANGE. This is an unfortunate, but true fact of life. Those who don't learn from history's mistakes are doomed to repeat them. You don't have to be a celebrity or someone making a six-figure salary in order to protect whatever you have. No one should go into a relationship expecting it to fail, but you should "insure yourself" just in case. Your car and your house are insured, but you don't take your insurance policies everywhere you go. Your car insurance card sits in your glove box, and your homeowner's policy in a safe place ... where you don't even think about it until or unless you need it!

What makes getting a pre-nup any different?

Protect Yourself ... regardless of your gender.
If I had a daughter, I'd be giving her this SAME advice.